#014

I feel ridiculous. And unserious. Because I am about to roast myself.

Yesterday, I took the supposedly mature decision of halting my participation in the International AI Startup Challenge.

After weeks of contacting organisations, sending emails, following up, and refreshing my inbox like it owed me money, I had finally decided that enough was enough.

I had school. Tests. Other projects. Responsibilities that deserved my attention. And, quite frankly, I was getting tired of putting so much effort into something that seemed to be going absolutely nowhere.

My inbox, the antagonist of this entire story, looked at my decision and laughed directly in my face.

Because here's what happened.

It's lunchtime, right? I go to the bathroom, take out my phone out of curiosity, and open my inbox while adjusting my hair in the mirror.

And what do I see?

"Re: Demande d'entretien dans le cadre du International AI Startup Challenge."

I LOOKED AT THE MIRROR LIKE A DRAMATIC MAIN CHARACTER BECAUSE I COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT WAS HAPPENING.

I opened the email.

And there it was.

Youth Vision Tataouine had accepted my request for an interview. They were happy to contribute to my research and had even provided me with a contact person so we could organise the conversation.

AN ACTUAL YES.

AFTER ALL THOSE EMAILS.

AFTER ALL THAT SILENCE.

THE FIRST YES ARRIVED THE DAY AFTER I DECIDED TO WALK AWAY.

I genuinely started dancing in the bathroom. I wish I were exaggerating. It was a full cinematic moment. The kind where the soundtrack changes, the camera zooms in, and the protagonist suddenly remembers why she started.

And then I realised something.

I hadn't necessarily stopped believing in the project. I had started emotionally detaching myself from the challenge because I was convinced it wasn't going to work.

I was preparing myself to let go before I could be disappointed any further.

But apparently, my inbox wasn't finished.

Because, as I am writing this very blog entry, ANOTHER EMAIL ARRIVES.

This time, it's from AVER (Association Voix d'Enfant Rural).

The president replied to my original interview request, thanked me for my interest, and copied several members of the association who could follow up on my request.

ANOTHER RESPONSE.

WHILE I WAS LITERALLY WRITING ABOUT THE FIRST ONE.

I genuinely had to stop writing for a moment.

To be clear, this second response isn't a confirmed interview yet. But my request has been passed along internally, and that's already progress.

And suddenly, the situation looks a little different.

Of course, two responses don't magically solve everything. There is still plenty of work to do, interviews to organise, research to conduct, and a product to develop. I also need to remain realistic about my time and priorities.

But I am not ready to call this one finished.

So, apparently, I am back.

Yesterday I was withdrawing. Today I have two organisations engaging with my research.

My inbox has officially lost its antagonist privileges. Temporarily.

Anyway.

I have interviews to organise.

WE ARE SO BACK.

#013

Yesterday was definitely a vent session, and honestly? It feels good to get things off my chest.

I took a decision that will probably surprise some of you, but I am officially halting my participation in the International AI Startup Challenge.

And I know what some of you might be thinking: that I got lazy because nobody was responding to my emails, or that I simply don't follow through with things. And honestly, I understand why you might think that.

But the truth is that it was putting unnecessary pressure on me, on top of an already rather impressive collection of tests, school responsibilities, and projects that currently deserve my attention more.

At some point, I had to acknowledge that I cannot do absolutely everything. Shocking revelation, I know.

Plus, I really needed to get back on track with my menstrual health project. And HEY, I might join the challenge next year. Who knows?

This is actually quite ironic, because it's somewhat of a plot twist.

I literally started this blog under the name Diary of a Startup Diva, but I think the title has evolved into something more symbolic. A startup, as in a woman in the making. A person being built, one decision, mistake, project, and questionable side quest at a time.

It's no longer just about building a startup. It's about building a life.

And I think that makes much more sense to me now.

BACK TO WORK.

Now, onto something much more exciting.

Last Tuesday, I attended my first eco-delegate meeting, where I met with two members of the school team who are involved in coordinating projects and student life. Both of them are people I've already had the opportunity to work with through the school.

So this morning, I decided it was time to stop letting the menstrual health project sit in the background and actually get things moving again.

I emailed my proviseure adjointe (who, at this point, is probably used to receiving emails from me about yet another initiative).

I wanted to follow up on the school-wide menstrual health questionnaire, which I am hoping to distribute before Christmas.

And GOOD NEWS: she renewed her approval!

She also forwarded the conversation to two members of the school team I've previously worked with, who will help organise a meeting with the president of our school's HeForShe club. We're essentially partnering to get this project moving, and I'm now waiting for them to get back to me so we can arrange the meeting and finalise the next steps. 

So, if everything goes according to plan, the questionnaire could be launched within the next week or two.

Which means that after all the waiting, planning, emailing, and occasionally wondering whether my inbox had personally declared war on me, the project is finally moving again.

I am VERY excited about this.

As for today's French test, I think I did well. I don't want to get my hopes up too much, so I will refrain from elaborating. We shall let the grades speak when the time comes.

And, as usual, I am back to waking up at 5 AM to prepare for the day.

Apparently, I have decided that sunrise is my personal assistant.

VERY EXCITED that my project is starting to move again. YIPEE.

#012

I am BACK. (I THINK). 

Last week was definitely a week.

I had a medical emergency, and my health decided to fail me at what was probably the least convenient moment possible. So, my week was what one would call horrible. Not particularly productive, not particularly enjoyable, and definitely not something I would voluntarily repeat.

But, of course, life doesn't exactly pause when you're having a difficult week.

The International AI Startup Challenge started, and I am yet to receive an answer from any of the organizations I contacted regarding student interviews for customer discovery.

So I did what any person with common sense would do: change the entire startup. Start again from zero.

Yes. You read that correctly.

With six weeks left, I have decided that the best course of action is to reconsider the entire idea and potentially build something completely different. The clock is ticking, the deadline is approaching, and the six weeks I have left are looking at me like I'm absolutely insane.

Frankly, I don't see another solution.

I could spend the remaining time trying to convince myself that my original idea is worth pursuing, even though my customer discovery isn't giving me the evidence I need. Or I could accept that something isn't working and try to find something that does.

This is very much a "trust the process" situation.

I'm just having a little trouble trusting it.

And perhaps that's the most frustrating part of entrepreneurship. You can spend hours researching, planning, building, emailing people, and trying to make something happen, only to discover that you might have been asking the wrong questions all along.

Sometimes, the hardest part isn't building something. It's admitting that you might need to start over.

Anyway, moving on.

This past week, I have doubted EVERYTHING.

And I mean every single thing.

My grades. Music school. My projects. My decisions. My failures (I have a lot of those). Even things I was previously quite confident about.

Suddenly, I find myself crying more than I ever did when I was intellectually worse off.

And that is a rather strange realization.

Last year, I was struggling academically much more than I am now. I was working with a completely different mindset, and my grades reflected that. This year, I've made significant changes. I've become more disciplined, stopped relying on AI to do my homework, started taking responsibility for my own learning, and generally tried to become a better student.

And yet, somehow, I seem to be crying considerably more.

I don't think I had quite anticipated that improving academically wouldn't necessarily make everything else easier.

Perhaps I have become so accustomed to measuring my progress through what I accomplish that I don't really know what to do with myself when things aren't going according to plan.

Because there is always something.

School, for example.

Writing this, I realize just how constant everything has become. Tomorrow, I have a very important French test. On Tuesday, I have a technology theory test AND an English test. Then, on Friday, I have a science test.

And that's just this week.

It's constant. Tests, all the time. We had tests during the second week of school, and they've been coming nonstop ever since.

Sometimes I genuinely wonder whether we are supposed to have a life outside of school.

Everyone goes through this, right?

I suppose this is part of growing up, although I would appreciate it if someone could provide a slightly less exhausting version.

Then there's everything outside school.

Music school, where I'm learning to develop a completely different skill set. My projects, which always seem to involve more work than I initially anticipated. S.H.E., which I still want to see grow into something meaningful. My ambitions, which, unfortunately, do not seem to have an off switch.

I have so many things I want to do.

I want to build things. I want to learn. I want to travel, meet people, establish connections, and eventually find myself in rooms where I can have conversations with people who are working on things I care about.

I want to go to New York. I want to expand my projects beyond Tunisia. I want to create opportunities instead of waiting for them to appear.

And sometimes, the distance between where I am and where I want to be feels enormous.

I think that's what makes particularly difficult weeks so frustrating. It's not necessarily that nothing is happening. It's that I can see so many things I want to happen, and I cannot make all of them happen immediately.

I'm pretty sure my fuel at the moment is:

"Work so hard that success is the only possible outcome."

Which is probably not the healthiest motivational philosophy ever invented, but here we are.

I am trying to remind myself that a difficult week doesn't erase the progress of the previous months. One failed startup idea doesn't make me a bad founder. A disappointing response rate doesn't mean nobody needs what I'm trying to build. A difficult test doesn't invalidate an entire semester of work.

And a medical emergency is not a personal failure. Apparently, my body is allowed to have opinions about my schedule. How inconvenient.

I think I have spent so much time trying to become the person I want to be that I sometimes forget that becoming that person is going to involve a few rather unpleasant chapters.

Not every week is going to be a breakthrough. Not every project is going to work. Not every email is going to receive an answer. Not every decision is going to be the right one.

And I suppose learning to deal with that is also part of the process.

I don't have everything figured out. I don't even have my startup figured out, which is particularly funny considering the circumstances.

But I am still trying to make things happen.

And perhaps that's enough for this week.

Okay, great. I think I'm healed.

Let's get back to work.

#011

It's back to school, ladies and gentlemen.

Yesterday was simultaneously one of the best and worst days of my life.

Let's start with the good news.

I got several tests back, and the results were rather satisfying:

• Maths: 16.25/17.

• Mental calculation: 5.5/6.

• French vocabulary: 18.5/20.

• Another French test: 17/20.

• English: 18/20.

EXCUSE ME???

I would like to point out that I sat both maths tests while feverish. Apparently, my immune system and I have different priorities.

And before anyone asks, yes, I have been doing well in maths since the beginning of the year. We are maintaining the standards.

Now, onto the less exciting part of yesterday.

As part of our 3ème curriculum, we have to complete an observation placement around January–February. Back in September, I decided to aim for an international organisation, preferably somewhere connected to child rights, public health, and education.

I contacted several organisations in the United States, including UNICEF USA. Their Youth Engagement Team was genuinely lovely, but unfortunately, they couldn't accommodate an international observation placement. They recommended contacting UNICEF Tunisia instead.

So I did.

Two follow-ups and MANY phone calls later, I am still waiting for a response.

Fair enough. Organisations have procedures, limited capacity, and approximately seventeen thousand emails to deal with. I understand.

But then came an interesting development.

I have a classmate, whom we shall call Red. He initially wanted to complete his placement in sports journalism. After I mentioned my interest in UNICEF, he became interested in the same opportunity.

The difference? He has connections.

He told me yesterday that he was quite close to securing the placement. When I asked whether he could introduce me to his contact, his response was:

"Ehh, I don't really want to. Good luck."

Well.

That was certainly a contribution to the conversation.

I won't pretend I wasn't annoyed. I've been pursuing this since September, researching, emailing, calling, and following up. I have the academic results, the initiative, and a genuine interest in the work. What I don't have is an established connection.

And sometimes, that is the part you cannot solve by simply working harder.

Anyway, I found another route.

I remembered that UNICEF USA had previously responded to my enquiry, so I wrote back explaining that I had followed their recommendation but hadn't managed to reach the appropriate team in Tunisia. I asked whether they might be able to forward my original request or direct me to someone who could help.

Will it work? I have no idea.

But asking costs me nothing.

And then, naturally, I went to cry next to my seven-year-old brother.

His advice was that if I wanted it, I could do it. He then suggested that I should STOMP into UNICEF with confidence and tell them that I had already emailed, nobody had answered, and I would now like a meeting.

I think we have identified the family's next career counsellor.

He hugged me, and I felt considerably better. Not that the situation had magically changed, but sometimes a little encouragement is all you need to get back to thinking clearly.

So, that's where things stand.

I have no confirmed placement, no convenient connections, and no idea whether UNICEF USA will be able to help.

But I have another lead, and I intend to follow it.

Besides, I have a reputation for collecting sidequests. It would be rather inconsistent to stop now.